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Dear Beowulf,
How go the campaigns in the far lands? I worry that, in an unmapped area, you may inadvertently fall off the edge of the world. Hence, am sending you a long chain by which you may secure your ship to land. I am certain you will find this useful and that it will not constrain your travels in any way whatsoever.

Grendel’s arm grows more ill-favoured with each passing day.  The stench is lovely and seems to keep the other demons away.

Please send scented unguents.

Oh shit, here comes Grendel’s pox-ridden wench of a mother. She looks pissed.
Please return to the royal court at your earliest convenience.


(You get 10 points if you spotted the nod to Catherine Tate!)